today, my mood went from the highest point into the lowest ones. I don’t know why. but I hate it. I hate the feeling of being disturb like this. actually, there is nothing to be regret for. but.. it disturbs me. really. I’m afraid of facing the fact that I’m getting a little bored with this stuff. it feels more like a routine. not a kind of situation I want to be happened. I know, this one wasn’t my expertise. eventhough, I think, there is nothing to lose if I tried. no matter how’s the ending would be.
many things always happen just like what I supposed it to be happened. but you know, it has its own limit. just same as life, sometimes up sometimes down. people called it a fate. no one can change it. huft.. talking about fate. make me want to do many stupid things. again.
formerly, a chat with my bffs, talking about a lot of stuff, doing many stupid but funny things, was my own pleasure. with them, I talked about everything. yup, that means no secret. no lie. nothing to be ashamed for. they are really close to me. just like my mother, in different way. but, it was a long long long time ago. my life has changed into something I never expect I would be there. it was a joy. but only in the first time. about the end? I don’t know. still can’t be describe. and abstract. just like my today’s condition.
situation like this was unsolved ones. at least, I’ve tried anything I know. but all of those was useless. then.. back to Leaving on a Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk.. and I’m ready to leave..