A bizzare today

5 Oct

Today, I attended an English Debate in my college. Just one part in the ceremony of celebrating Planologie’s birthday. Each team consists of three persons. And there’s four teams that participating in this debate session. Two teams by 2011, one team by 2010, and the last one team by 2009. I was in the 2010 team. Well, according to the first plan, this team consist of Umi, Anin, and me. Unfortunately, by the last minutes before my team was called, one of us, Anin, is cancelling her chance on coming and joining this debate. Well, of course, there was a little panic in both of Umi and me. Because there is no one that would be agree to replace her.

But, as the clock continually ticking and we almost run out of time, we finally found two persons as the replacement candidate. Retno and the other one boy. Actually, I don’t need to consider anymore, I prefer on picking Retno than the others. Not to mention that she is my bestiest, she got the point. She will be the perfect person for debating, based on my personal experiences with her. But, well, what happen here is the team decision, not mine. So, in the end, we conclude the other candidate.

We got the first round of presenting our arguments, as in the preposition team did. My team was called “Solar Support”, has separated into three speakers. I am the last speaker, the first was Umi, the other was the second speaker. I’ve already did some extra preparations, but it turns out to be unexpected.

I’ve ever in several English Debating Contest before, but this time, every time I got the chances to speak up, I am at a loss for words. Oh. My. God. That’s weird. Heck, I was the best speaker in the LBA. It supposed to make me more easy to..I don’t know.. to do it well maybe. I mean..this was just a debate thing. It was nothing compared to my last experience. I supposed to get used with it. But, I’m not into it. Almost along the debate process, I wasn’t concentrated to it. It just like every single things that I had wrote in my paper were nonsense. I even didn’t look at someone to simply get my focus on. I’m daydreaming. And, by the time I write this posting, I still don’t understand why I was doing it that time. It’s just weird.

After realizing what I did along the debating session, I’m honestly do not expect to win this one. I just, like usual, starting to build the necessary feeling to cover my might-coming-feeling-of-disappointing. When the result coming up and said that my team didn’t win, suddenly, the odd feeling was covering me. It’s not one feeling of regrettable or dissappointment, like what usually happen on me when I lose in one competition.

There’s a lot questions that messing around in my brain. What was happened on me? Why I didn’t felt anything, even a slightest feeling of dissappoinment or simply just feeling sad? I also didn’t blame myself of what happened today. That’s definitely weird. The same reason of why I wrote this posting, because I’m not used to feel like this.

Not to mention about some panic situations that accidentally happen just in the last minutes before our team name called after, I was the type of person who really give a lot thoughts about something like this, especially when it using English, so when the oddish feeling of feeling nothing came by the time I was supposed to be dissappointed, which is not, that was abnormal.

Well, in the end, I think that, maybe, I was a bit freaking out with this situation. I’m not sure which motives were having a greater role on what happened today. I merely didn’t want my euphoria of enjoying the competition were about to vanish, dissapear because of this. That’s it.

Last note:
In this post, I definitely not talking about the others debate’s teammates nor blaming someone. I, in the other hand, think that the persons I was working with in that team were great, considering that the three of us were running out of time, if we prefer that phrase than saying “there’s no time”, to discuss about the case building but we still make it. I believe that with some additional preparations and times, I’m sure that we will have a better opportunity to win next time.

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