The Inside Feeling

22 Jan

CHAPTER 1

Once, I thought I found my another support system, when I find you. I thought I have someone that would sincerely care for me, better than the average people around me. I thought I found someone who never forget to turn the light on randomly, before anyone else. I thought I found out that this life of mine shouldn’t only depend on myself to keep it motivated and keep it going. I thought I found what I need, not just what I’m looking for or what I want. I thought this intensity of happiness will be a long lasting happiness, instead of just become a temporary illusion. I thought I have found someone who will always put me first before anything else, without forgetting the others. Person who already found out their balance. I thought I found contentment.

The ugly truth is that nothing really last forever.

Time will prove that. or.. the truth, the real truth that you will find out later, will prove that.

Or, you might just expect too much in the beginning. You let your guard down. Then you end up disappointed over your own over expectations, because it didn’t work as planned. Well, not exactly that it did not go as planned, but because those things were never there since the beginning and you were just imagining it happen because that’s what your mind do when being fed up with happy feeling. It slowly become an addiction, a drug to your mind. And the longer you have it, the higher dose needed.  Your mind refused to let you feel and see that what’s in your imagination is not actually happened.


CHAPTER 2

There is nothing good about having over expectation toward something. Yet, there are differences between over expectation and having high standard. Set a high standard for your life doesn’t always mean that you expect a lot from someone or something. If you are disappointed because of someone didn’t fulfill your over expectation for them, then you will feel cheated, lied and hardly get recovered from those feelings. In the other way, if you feel disappointed because someone didn’t meet your high standard, yes, it will let you down for some times and then you will learn to let go and move on. You see my point, no?

Over expectation tend to make one see that there is something when there is actually nothing, while high expectation is about seeing and observing whether the certain individual is suitable and good enough as stated in the standard itself.

Yes, I’m saying that having high standard is waaayyy better than having over expectation. It saves you a lot of harms.

Though there are conditions you should be aware of. When you have one that finally pass the standard which make your hope up, make you believe that there is one more perfect addition to your life, and you consciously start to let your guard down. Just to find out later that its passing your standard is merely a sweet opening. A temporary show. Something that is not in their nature. A very good illusion that performed in order to get you.

The time you find out that them passing your standard is an additional act, you’ll ended up being unsure and questioned everything. Which part that you did wrong? Was it the standard? Was it the method? Was it the timing, an imperfect timing? Was it the situation? Or was it you?

Well, I have no one to tell me what’s wrong. But one thing for sure, it left me disappointed and I dont know how to fix it.

Regards,
Dea

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