Are You Looking for the Whole Package?

25 Feb

This is one of my favorite stories of all time and a place where I can look back and watch my life change.  All in a single moment.

Grab a coffee, sit back and join me for a ride on the life lesson train.

Let me start by saying that I love asking people about their most embarrassing moments.  Not only is it entertaining for me, but I am able to learn so much about a person from their stories about  “falling” out of their comfort zone and their temporary humiliation – usually, all with a smile on their face.

I, however, was born a wee bit of a klutz, so some people’s most embarrassing moments are just “Daily Kira Moments.”  If there is a drink I will spill it; a rock, I will trip over it.  Let’s just say I gave up wearing white years ago.

So when people ask me about my most embarrassing moment, I always look at it a little differently than most.  For me, it is not about spilling or tripping, but about times where I was less than my best with people I care about.  This one is a doozy.

During my sophomore year, I went home for awhile due to an illness.  It was a pretty stressful time for me and my body was taking the brunt of it.  In all of his awesomeness, my friend Chad visited almost every weekend.  My parents loved him (mostly for “dealing” with their stressed-out daughter) and my Mom had his favorite dessert, cherry cheesecake, waiting for him.

This weekend was no different than others.  It was Saturday afternoon and my mood was a little grumpy (as it usually was during that time).  My Mom pulled out the cherry cheesecake and asked me to serve it while she tended to Chad’s every need, hoping that he would become her future son-in-law.  To this day, I don’t remember what exactly Chad said, but whatever it was it made me so upset that I slammed down the cherry container spraying cherries everywhere.  I then picked up a handful of cherries and wiped them across his face.  Yup. I did that. Did I mention I am a life coach?

I was instantly horrified by my actions and ran upstairs crying.  Sobbing. I could hear my Mom shouting at him to “leave me and my terrible behavior alone, so I could think about what I had done.”  Apologizing to him, she was probably wondering how she could raise such a horrible daughter.

I could not believe what I had done.  I could not believe that I could treat a guy like that who drove 4 hours every weekend to see me.  Especially since he was my best friend.  As if I was dying, I saw the history of our entire friendship flash before my eyes as well as the inevitable ending that was bound to happen after the “cherry cheesecake incident.”  I sat on my bed tired, deflated, praying that the “break up” would be quick so it wouldn’t be so painful.  Or at least he wouldn’t be there to see how painful.

I heard the stairs creaking underneath his feet as he made his way upstairs.  A wave of nausea came over me.  As he walked into the room, I was crying too hard to even stutter out a “I’m so, so, so sorry.”  I just sat there sobbing, face red, nose running, paralyzed.

He looked over at me, smiled, walked towards me and hugged me in a way that I knew he wasn’t letting go for awhile.  Then he said, “I shouldn’t have said that, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

I instantly started crying more and the flood gates opened.  I started babbling through the tears and confessing (kind of like that scene with Chunk and the blender in Goonies)  about how I was a horrible person, friend, daughter and clearly a little crazy. I expected him to leave and never look back.

He pulled away from me, put his hands on my shoulders and smiled.  He then said something that would change me forever.  “I love you Kira and not just the good stuff.  I love the good stuff, the bad stuff and everything in between.  I love the whole Kira package.”

At that moment I felt it.  True unconditional love.  It was amazing.

Looking back, I realize now that up until that moment I always thought love had conditions. I thought I needed to look my best, be on my best behavior and aim for perfect to be loved.  I mean who would want to love my flaws? There were plenty.  However, Chad taught me that day when you get past the beginning stuff and the “real” you shows up (which it is going to end up doing anyway) that is where the real love exists.  It is not about only the good stuff, but about the whole package.

Life is a constant learning process for me and I am the last person to say I have the answers, but I will tell you that I have learned that in this crazy journey there is always a whole package, whether you see it right away or not.  I hear a lot of women joke about Prince Charming, but secretly in the back of their minds I know they’re hoping he exists, looks like Robert Pattinson and is on his way to save them.  But here is something that I have been contemplating lately: I love the rush of a crush.  The excitement of new romance.  The breath stopping need for passion. But what I’ve learned is the love that shows up later is the most satisfying. I’m talking about the one that sticks around when you have no make-up on; have your hair piled on top of your head; the one who leaves you with the delicious feeling of someone who knows you, asks about your day and actually wants to hear the answers.

Are you looking for the whole package? Talk to me.

-Kira

Photo found on:  http://mentallymoonwalk.tumblr.com/

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